I wouldn't call it stealing, since "12 Rounds" was made by 20th Century Fox, the same studio that also produced "Die Hard: With a Vengeance", but I felt as if I was watching John Cena in a "re-imagining", "re-invention", "remake" of "Die Hard: With a Vengeance" with a little bit of "Speed" sprinkled on top. The parallels are simple - bad guy talks to good guy on the phone, makes him do alot of embarassing things.

The movie opens with the pimped out "WWE STUDIOS" logo. I hear chuckles around the theater of 15 patrons.

Then there's a pimped out opening title sequences that recalls any Tony Scott movie opening.

Basically John Cena unrealistically plays John Cena as a cop with the wisecracking black sidekick (with his eyebrows and eyelashes nicely groomed) who tracks down a criminal mastermind named Miles Jackson (yes, really). Jackson's girlfriend is hit by a car when she tries to run from the apprehension of Cena (why I dont know, most women want to be apprehended by Cena). Jackson gets locked up, cut to one year later, Jackson escapes and kidnaps WWE go-to girl Ashley Scott (Walking Tall) and forces Cena to go throughout New Orleans disarming bombs, stopping trolleys, and answering phones.


"I gotta get my eyebrows done around 2pm"

But his house gets blown up in front of him first, much like Keanu's bus driver getting blown up in his bus to start the game.

We're stuck with Cena's metrosexual sidekick for half the movie, until he gets blown up while following a lead a la Jeff Daniels in "Speed" (it helps that the producer also produced "Speed").



Keanu: Hey Cena, you stole my wardrobe!
Cena: Dude, we're making "Speed" again! We're just not calling it "Speed!"
Keanu: Whoaaa!


By the fifth round you're just counting down the rounds and it seems like the filmmakers weren't as enthusiastic as Round 1; for Round 8 Cena has to pick a phone number. Boom, onto Round 9.

I'm already thinking "Die Hard: With a Vengeance" and "Speed." But the funniest part about this movie besides the hero moments of Cena jumping onto a helicopter or Cena pulling up an overweight Hawaiian from an elevator that's triggered to collapse (this scene drew applause from the audience) is Miles Jackson's "Real Plan." He made Cena jump thru all these hoops so he can steal from a bank.

But wait, didn't Jeremy Irons do this in "Die Hard: With a Vengeance?" Yeah. And director Renny Harlin (who directed "Die Hard 2") tries to pass it off as his own.

"12 Rounds" is for those who want to see a poor remake of "Die Hard: With a Vengeance" but who didn't see "Speed."