John Revolta (video updated with more Revolta)

Doesn't it suck when you're in a theater watching your favorite actor, and you think, "Shit, this is the same shit he's done for the past few movies!" Then you get angry because this actor is getting paid millions to portray a carbon copy of his previous characters. Well, John Travolta isn't my favorite actor, so this is pretty damn funny to me, especially when he plays the villain. His eyes squint, he speaks while his teeth are clenched and he yells, alot. That's when you know it's a Revolta villain. Check out another Outhouse Original.

Vin Diesel only speaks in video game tongue

We had to do it. Vin Diesel's "XXX" is by far one of the worst theatrical action movies of the '00's. Ever since VD dubbed himself a superstar, he's been on the outhouse radar. Thank god for Youtube. 'Cause now everyone will see how stupid his movies are. Take for instance this scene in "XXX." Character development was needed for Diesel's 'Xander Cage,' and since Cage is a gamer, he explains his mission to a video game geek on an airplane to Prague in video game terms - if he said it literally, the kid would probably shit his pants. So watch Vin Diesel bond with a fellow video game geek in a deleted scene from a movie that should've been deleted all together.

Arnold as Mr. Freeze "sing, louder" and his plans

"winters coming early"

Jason Statham movie poster

This is the one-sheet for the upcoming "Death Race 2000" remake, starring our reliable action guy, Jason Statham.

Marlon Wayans is in "G.I. Joe"

This is old news, but ever since I saw the picture of Marlon Wayans (yea, that Wayans brother) as 'Ripcord' in "G.I. Joe" I had to laugh at the idea of the comedian trying 'to do this action thing and be funny and cool too.' Meaning he gets to crack tiny quips in tense action scenes and also look really cool jumping away from explosions. Since when were comedians allowed to fill the action star void? Martin Lawrence does it well in the "Bad Boys" movies, but Marlon Wayans? "LOC DOG" from 'Dont Be a Menace?' The midget from "Little Man?"

I could almost see Marlon reading the script and signing up for a gym membership at the same time. "Gotta pump up for this role, Marlon! Gotta look like an A-C-T-I-O-N hero!" Maybe this role will be a launchpad for him to star in the long delayed "Masters of the Universe" remake. Because when I think blonde-haired blue-eyed muscle man, there's no one else that can pull it off besides Marlon Wayans. Don't believe me? Look at the pics below:

Marlon (the one to the right I think)


He-Man

Celebrity Outhouse is not afraid to make fun of puppets

The entire cast of Fraggle Rock gets a special place in the outhouse - the corner with a little bit of sunlight shining in only because it brought joy to me as a child, but as an adult, this is just plain freaky.

Somebody actually had the steroids to remake "Commando"

I don't know Russian nor do I know the actor playing John Matrix, but since we're in the Golden Piss Age of remaking classic movies, someone in Mother Russia decided to remake the ultimate, badass Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie, "Commando" which leads me to the question - is Russian Cinema running out of ideas like Hollywood? They must be doing REALLY FUCKING BAD if they're remaking an Arnold movie. I don't think this is a tongue-in-cheek spoof, because it looks like they're replicating specific scenes from "Commando."

Here's the original classic:


Here's the Russian remake:



IMO, Arnold's is better because it's Arnold, plus it had that Cinemax slut Alyssa Milano and Bill Duke as a Green Beret.

Ask and you shall receive - Nic Cage and Pierce Brosnan in a Roman Polanski film!

MTV reports that Pierce Brosnan and Nicolas Cage will star in director/child molester/rapist Roman Polanski's political thriller The Ghost. The film, based on Robert Harris' novel of the same name, centers on a ghostwriter who is hired to complete the memoirs of a former British prime minister. He uncovers secrets that put his own life in jeopardy.
Brosnan would play the prime minister, Adam Lang, and Cage the ghostwriter.
But not the Ghost Rider, right? Because he really sucked ass at that.

Leo DiCaprio is Captain America

There are several news reports flying around that say Leonardo Dicaprio will be playing Captain America...If he cant star as Captain America, then they want Brad Pitt. This reminds me of the Leo playing a Jedi in the Star Wars prequels rumor. I just cant see this movie working with him.

Barack Celebrity Database

Barack Obama supposedly has a "database of over 4,500 celebrities with respect to five key character traits--how articulate, intelligent, confident, experienced and influential they are perceived to be." -Forbes.com

Any bad actors in that Barack database?

Mr Brooks Latino Trailer and Costners Next...

I had to post the latino trailer to this piece of junk Mr. Brooks movie because I didnt want people to have to listen to Costner, Cook and Moore in english. Kevin Costner, Dane Cook and Demi Moore might all be better actors in spanish. Cook totally blows though. Whos deciding to put Dane Cook in films ,especially thriller dramas? I understand a little bit because hes not funny and dramas aren't supposed to be either, but I can definitely sit back, light up a huge one and laugh at the actor combo put together.

I am thinking that the world might be ready for the next level of Costner teamups...Costner and Jamie Kennedy...

Jason Statham is earning his place in the Outhouse shitter with Death Race 2000...

Your typical Jason Statham action movie with cars, women, and punching. Oh yeah, and it's directed by Paul WS Anderson.

Get ready for another transport with Jason Statham!!!!!/Lionsgate Films Rant

Lionsgate announced today that it has acquired U.S. and Canadian distribution rights to Transporter 3. Jason Statham returns as iconic action hero(WTF!?) Frank Martin in the third installment of the EuropaCorp-produced series. The announcement was made today by Lionsgate's Jason Constantine, head of Acquisitions and Co-Productions, and Tom Ortenberg, President, Theatrical Films.

Olivier Megaton directs from a script written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen. The movie is produced by EuropaCorp, TF1 Films Productions, Grive Productions and Apipoulai Production, in association with Current Entertainment. Besson produces for EuropaCorp. Lionsgate will release the film at Thanksgiving, on November 26, 2008. The film will be distributed in Canada by Maple Pictures.


Constantine expressed the studio's excitement about the project, stating, "We are thrilled to be in business with EuropaCorp and to also partner again with Jason Statham, who from 'War' to 'Crank' and its upcoming sequel, is a well known and well-loved leading man in so many of Lionsgate's high octane action films. We are delighted to add another film in the exciting 'Transporter' action franchise to stand alongside such other iconic Lionsgate franchises as 'Saw,' Tyler Perry and 'The Punisher.'"

Besson said, "We are thrilled to be sharing this experience with Lionsgate, and happy to get along with a great marketing and distribution team." EuropaCorp COO Pierre-Ange Le Pogam concurred, "Lionsgate is a dynamic group, who we know will more than do justice to our dearest 'Transporter' opus 3. Everyone here is working hard to get ready to provoke and inflame the market for Thanksgiving."

The film, starring Robert Knepper ("Prison Break") alongside Statham and returning cast member Francois Berleand (Place Vendome), wrapped principal photography in early May and is currently in post-production.


Yes, because you demanded a Saw every Halloween, pleaded for more dung from Tyler Perry, and wanted more Jason Statham action movies. Note to Lionsgate - nobody cares. These are sequels that have subpar returns at the box office and you so desperately want these franchises to build a reputable name for yourselves - reputable in creating cinematic shit. It's like Pauly Shore making a comedy every year that grosses only 10 million dollars at the box office. You don't want it, I don't want it, but Pauly Shore doesn't want to go away. Take a note from Van Damme - he realized America stopped buying tickets to his movies, so he went to Europe and made movies there. Lionsgate, you suck. Your films suck.


And your release dates for your films suck...because we really need Transporter 3 on Thanksgiving day. Did they think the itis is going to get us after we finish our turkey and stuffing? "Hmm, what to do after we leave our boring family's house? Oh I know, go see Transporter 3! It's going to suck, but fuck it, I'm full and nothing could be worse than listening to my Uncle ask me a million questions about what I'm going to do with my life. Jason Statham brings no harm."



And Punisher War Zone is scheduled for a December release. What a great way to kick off the holidays - with some good old fashioned violence. I'm not shitting on the Punisher, but I don't even categorize him as a superhero, I don't know what Marvel was smoking. He FUCKING KILLS PEOPLE!!! He PUNISHES THEM!!! Exactly the kind of superhero we need now especially in the times of Sean Bell. Fuck Al Sharpton. Bring in the Punisher.